Steps I need to take when there’s something upsetting but complex to deal with: a situation outside of my scope or a crisis or something upsetting or global changes or things I don’t understand or relational conflict or whatever.

1. Reminders

• GARDEN/notes/Refuse to let fear dominate
• GARDEN/notes/My life is better when I believe in free will
• My tiny choices add up to my whole life
• GARDEN/notes/I don’t have to know but I can choose to be certain
• GARDEN/notes/A good plan is a simple plan
• GARDEN/notes/Here are the things that matter
• How I feel does not have to determine how I act
• Action without clarity tends to increase confusion
• A call to calmness is not a call to passivity
• I am okay with making the first move
• Life has always been overwhelming but now we can’t stop thinking about it
• GARDEN/notes/The empire will fall; what will be waiting to take its place?

2. Tools in hand

Absolute acceptance helps me find clarity. Radical responsibility reminds me to focus on what I can control, then define specific actions to take.

• GARDEN/notes/Absolute acceptance: Assess the situation as it is, being as honest as you can, not trying to pad the sharp edges or avoid the reality of what is unfolding. Along the way, as big feelings or fears rise up in response to that honesty, allow them, note them, but try not to dwell in them. It’s important to give space and voice to feelings and It’s important to limit the influence feelings have over you.
• GARDEN/notes/Radical responsibility: What’s under my control? What’s within my power? What am I responsible for that is part of this situation? Where do I have authority, and where am I encroaching on someone else’s authority? What (of mine) needs to be protected in this situation? What am I responsible for that is outside of this situation? How will involving myself in this situation affect my life in other areas? How will failing to involve myself in this situation affect me or others?

3. Questions

For any situation, there are three points of clarity to look for: 

• What’s the situation? The factual reality unfolding. Who is doing what, when, how, why; what are the effects?
• What’s my reaction? My feelings, fears, initial thoughts, and instincts.
• What’s the reality? The limits/scope of the situation, and where I fit in. 

Once I have clarity, I’m able to move into figuring out what I can do about it.

• What can I do? What’s within my power? What am I responsible for that is part of this situation? Where do I have authority, and where am I encroaching on someone else’s authority? What (of mine) needs to be protected in this situation? What am I responsible for that is outside of this situation? How will involving myself in this situation affect my life in other areas? How will failing to involve myself in this situation affect me or others? Who do I want to be in this situation? What can I offer? What am I not able to offer?