notes

The original safe spaces were whites-only, men-only clubs,“Gentlemen’s Clubs.” They were even politically categorized because the members of these June 20, 2025 Small steps in a (somewhat) straight line will get you somewhere Great wisdom not applied to action and behavior is meaningless data. —Peter Drucker We think we need make major plans and big action, but the May 28, 2025 Cultivate obstinate opinions about two categories of things Category 1: A very small set of very important things that matter very much. Don’t argue about things in this category. To argue about things in May 14, 2025 Percolate Let things rest. Give your subconscious time to process and solve. It’s part of the creative process. Learn, think, focus, then take a break and do April 30, 2025 Announce your deadlines To someone besides your cat. This is called creating accountability. The hypothesis is that you’ll then be embarrassed, shamed, humiliated, and April 30, 2025 Trust the ebb and flow of creativity Sometimes you’ll be full of great ideas; sometimes you’ll have to work and work to think of one thing. This is how creative work feels sometimes. April 30, 2025 There is no valid authority without commensurate responsibility Authority is not an inherent right. No one gets authority by default. Authority comes because you’re put in a position or role which has authority April 28, 2025 Choose what you want to bad at to reset your defaults One way to work on resetting defaults (emotional reactions, habits, behaviors) is to choose what I want to be bad at. The thing I want to be bad at April 17, 2025 We have default reactions and behaviors What we learn as children programs us in certain ways. These programs run subconsciously. They determine our default behaviors. I have a set of April 17, 2025 Facing my fear does not require extremes Fear is powerful. It’s necessary, too. I won’t get rid of it but I can learn to deal with it in ways that help me live the way I want to. Avoidance April 16, 2025 This is just to say This Is Just To Say I have issued the tariffs that were not meant for this and which we will definitely regret for ever I don’t get economics or April 4, 2025 Aspirational rules for life Start here: GARDEN/notes/Four (helpful) beliefs I try to live by. Choose to believe in free will. Practice absolute acceptance. Take March 31, 2025 What's the situation and what can I do about it? Steps I need to take when there’s something upsetting but complex to deal with: a situation outside of my scope or a crisis or something upsetting March 1, 2025 Publishing what I write motivates me to write more This seems to work in terms of motivation whether I get any response on what I’ve published or February 4, 2025 Absolute acceptance means to look at what is, as clearly as you can, and acknowledge the reality of it. One way to do this is to ask January 29, 2025 Am I supporting or shouting over? It’s tempting to get involved in things, under the guise of helping. To insert my opinion into a conversation or dispute. But an important question January 22, 2025 Wanting something is not the same as enjoying it Differentiation is important: Dopamine is about expecting to feel good, not actually feeling good. We need to get better at knowing which one we are December 27, 2024 Inputs for feeling better Disagreeing is a skill I can improve Disagreeing is a skill and I can get better at it. There’s a big difference between disagreeing and being disagreeable. Being disagreeable is a December 23, 2024 I don’t have to know but I can choose to be certain When you start seeing all sides of something, some issue, it’s tough to find ground to stand on. Then you feel disoriented all the time. An December 23, 2024 Lack of vocabulary traps you in the originating context Watching the Keep Sweet documentary: [!quote] “I didn’t know what was happening to me. I couldn’t identify ‘rape’ or ‘assault.’ I didn’t even have December 23, 2024 My life is better when I believe in free will “My first act of free will shall be to believe in free will.” —William James I can’t prove whether we have free will or not. But I know my life December 23, 2024 Approval requires authority Approval means, “I condone or sanction or endorse you or this thing you are doing.” Approval has an official ring to it. We use it in legal language December 17, 2024 Not having a plan means making more decisions Lack of a plan means that you have no (known, valid) reason to say no. Requests, demands, suggestions, obligations, interruptions come at you. You December 17, 2024 Take breaks Stand up. Stretch. Take a ten-minute walk. Loosen up those neck and shoulder muscles. When it’s work time, do the work. Then take a break. Then get December 17, 2024 Valid authority has clearly defined limits Valid authoritative relationships are limited in at least one of two key ways: A valid authoritative relationship is limited in duration, or A December 17, 2024 What acceptance is not Acceptance is not agreement. You can accept someone—just as they are—without being in agreement. Acceptance does not mean you like or enjoy December 17, 2024 Acceptance is something any one person can give to any other person. You don’t need any training or qualifications to accept somebody. Acceptance December 17, 2024 Acceptance is not the same as approval GARDEN/notes/Acceptance and approval are not the same. These two things are not the same. They are very different. But we get them mixed up all the December 17, 2024 A good plan is a simple plan Can you summarize it on an index card, the main parts of the plan? Can you explain it to a 10-year-old before you lose them to boredom? A good plan December 17, 2024 Prioritize one big thing each day The big thing doesn’t have to be a big thing. It’s just the thing, the focal point, the one thing you’ll make sure happens even if nothing else December 17, 2024 To save time, plan your day ahead of time GARDEN/notes/Not having a plan means making more decisions. Ideally, you have the plan already made before you start the day. Take 5 minutes at the December 17, 2024 Give yourself buffers, time to transition Don’t expect yourself to switch instantly from one task to another. Work in transition time. Give your brain and body a break. Buffer the edges of December 17, 2024 Valid authority is based on defined criteria Authority exists when two people (or groups) agree upon an authoritative relationship for a mutually beneficial purpose. There are lots of December 17, 2024 Be careful with your Yes; it is an agreement Yes is an agreement. It’s a contract, and it’s a good idea to be careful—even hesitant—of who and what you attach yourself to in verbal contract. December 16, 2024 What will you produce with your next action? A moment of connection, a song, a concept, a new product, a moment of silence, a bigger perspective, a blog post, a drawing? If you can’t figure out December 16, 2024 Be clear with your No; don't say Maybe if you mean No A half-way, mumbled, uncertain No can be as harmful as a promiscuous Yes. When you know that the right answer for you to give is No, be better to December 16, 2024 Benefits of feeling alone I don’t want to feel alone as a way of life. But sometimes feeling alone can be good. Wanted or unwanted, the feeling of aloneness can help us be December 16, 2024 The cage that fear creates What scares you is what has the power to hold you, to trap you, to keep you locked down. Because fear is so powerful (and because we’re not very December 16, 2024 Productivity as means, not end Being productive is not the end goal. Productivity is a means. The end is… What? To matter. To create. To take joy in the work we do. To help. To December 16, 2024 Approval versus connection We seek approval. We often seek approval at the expense of connection: I do something that Person A will approve, meaning that Person B will not December 14, 2024 Orient your life toward comfort or growth [[../_attachments/Orient your life toward comfort or growth/2025-07-02-1707-img-Orient your life toward comfort or growth.png]] There are two basic December 12, 2024 Refuse to let fear dominate Remember: Do not let fear be the dominating force of my life. Because there’s a lot to be afraid of. Real threats, not just imaginary ones. Real December 12, 2024 Ignorance, two flavors Ignorance + curiosity = a sense of wonder // Ignorance + fear = a sense of terror, impending doom September 20, 2024 Substitutionary grief Or why I am crying over a crushed flower, an insurance commercial, spilled milk: There are some pains that are so vast and deep you have to shy September 3, 2024 Some memories are crystal clear I’ve always thought it odd how I have some memories that are crystal clear, and so many large portions of my past life that are gone, escaped from August 27, 2024 Lessons I didn’t go to the pool at all this summer, which is weird. The last few summers I spent as much time as I could at the pool. This summer? Just August 22, 2024 From flexibility to structure I started freelance writing because of the flexibility. For all the years my kids were babies, and on through several years of homeschooling, I got May 7, 2024 If my body is currency I will spend it on myself. If my body is property I will own it myself. If my body is a place I will live in it myself. If my May 6, 2024 Death is in the room A few weeks ago, one of Z’s teammates lost his dad. I didn’t know the man, and I don’t know the details. But I used to see him at every one of the May 3, 2024 Retrospective When we visited Puerto Rico in March, the first few days I kept thinking I’d forgotten something important. It felt like I was missing something, May 2, 2024 Hiking church On Sundays, almost every Sunday morning, I go hiking with my friend Jenn. We have a steady little cycle now, 5 or so local trails we rotate through. May 1, 2024 Urgency fuels anxiety and is fueled by fantasy How hard it is to tune out the urgent to focus on the important. I struggle with this daily. Urgency fuels my anxiety, my belief in urgency. There April 1, 2024 Power does not have to be a zero-sum game On the big stage of the world — movers and shakers, authority figures and armies, politics and religion — power is seen as a zero-sum game. There’s February 29, 2024 Authority is validated by the agreement of the people under the authority not by the one who holds the authority. Authority is based on agreement November 30, 2023 Here are the things that matter Your health Your people Your work They require action Health ⮕ Cultivate People ⮕ Love Work ⮕ Do There’s one responsible party: you. The health October 20, 2023 Winning an argument is not changing someone's mind In the same way that debates are not conversations, being victorious in an argument (which can be indicated in a number of ways) is 100% not the October 9, 2023 Optimizing for delight I can jump into the deep end on optimizing things like tools and workflow and routines and so on. It’s fun and I can get lost in there. I used to October 3, 2023 Aim for incremental improvements to continually increase quality A good writing practice, really a good anything practice: write the thing, edit, and then make it 10% better. There’s always a way. Put a little September 18, 2023 There is enough time to do what matters to me today. There is enough time to do what matters, without rush, without stress. There is not enough time September 18, 2023 Why we are friends We are friends because when I feel responsible for the whole world you murmur a supportive line but your eyebrows tell me to tone down the savior September 4, 2023 Rebirth, a term people enjoy using Rebirth is a term people seem to like. Rebirth! A new phase, new beginning, big change, unleashing a new version, out with the old in with the new, August 16, 2023 Homemade electrolyte powder Homemade, cheap, simple, lasts a long time. Here is the original recipe I start with: How to Make a Homemade Electrolyte Drink - Mary’s Nest It’s August 4, 2023 Relief is a good feeling, but not the same as joy You’re running up a hill and your legs are tired and your lungs are burning and you keep forcing yourself forward but it’s tough and you’re at the August 4, 2023 What fuels the writing Sometimes writing is fueled by emotion. I’m feeling something, and I need to express it. Writing is cathartic, a relief, a way to twist the valve July 20, 2023 Choose what you want to be bad at so you can focus your efforts In keeping with an approach to life that is GARDEN/notes/Less, fewer, lighter, easier, better, I’m consciously choosing what I want to be bad at. June 6, 2023 Feeling safe is not necessarily being safe [!QUOTE] If a strategy to be safe is nothing more than what makes us feel safer, the strategy is probably flawed. For example, fearful fliers feel June 6, 2023 Fail at least 15% of the time (I have that covered) On the other hand, removing all risks from children’s lives does not leave them feeling safe. Childhood exposure to mild risks fortifies children. June 6, 2023 Failure is defragilising [!QUOTE] On the other hand, removing all risks from children’s lives does not leave them feeling safe. Childhood exposure to mild risks fortifies June 6, 2023 Running provides a disproportionate amount of lingering joy I go for runs in the morning because there’s about 45 seconds of absolute bliss in there. Also some minor suffering, but worth it. And there’s a May 20, 2023 Tackle a big thing first This is the “big rocks first” principle. Or eat the frog. Whatever. I don’t like to imagine eating a frog in any circumstance, so I just go with BIG April 30, 2023 Reminders of what works What’s working. File under Reminders to self: Actions > words Proof > plans Creating > criticism I can trust myself more I can ask for help It April 29, 2023 Four (helpful) beliefs I try to live by When I was a kid, my parents had a book called The Four Spiritual Laws. Can’t speak to the quality of the laws (or the book), as I never read it. March 7, 2023 The law of self-determination I cannot create happiness, success, or meaning for someone else. Those things can only be created from the inside out. Even my best efforts will not March 7, 2023 The law of ownership I am the only person responsible for my life: my choices, the way I use my time, my perspective, my beliefs and behaviors. When I take March 7, 2023 The law of urgency By default: whatever seems most urgent will get the most attention. whoever screams loudest will get the quickest response. The loudest things get March 7, 2023 The law of finite resources There will always be more opportunity than capability. Since I am, in terms of time, energy, capability, etc., a very finite creature (like it or March 7, 2023 The law of trade-offs Every Yes to one thing is a No to every other thing. It might not be a permanent No. But it’s No, right now. Yes to this is No to that. Tomorrow, March 7, 2023 Let go of whatever you can afford to live without Cull and cut. Diminish and divide. Slash and subtract. What you get back is space. If you eat less, you have more space in your guts. If you consume March 6, 2023 Arena people stay with you through the shitty parts “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. March 6, 2023 Less, fewer, lighter, easier, better I adopted the phrase “less, fewer, lighter, easier” as my theme or guide or mantra for the year. Then I added better onto the end: less fewer March 6, 2023 When nothing leads to diving A single tree litters the ground with seedlings, Thousands of false starts. … When every start is a false start Every road a cul-de-sac The candy February 19, 2023 Things I want to be bad at GARDEN/notes/Choose what you want to be bad at so you can focus your efforts. Choosing mediocrity in some things allows me to pursue mastery in February 19, 2023 Disorientation is just the feeling before you get oriented There are healthy ways to deal with difficult things. Sometimes those are the routes I take. Sometimes I am not taking any routes, I am just sitting February 15, 2023 Buffers + options + agency = stability Because life is mostly out of our control, and unpredictable, we need ways to build stability. GARDEN/notes/Safety is about feeling safe and being January 10, 2023 An incomplete list of things that help me feel safe What makes us feel safe? Here’s my personal and incomplete list: reminding myself that I have gotten through shit before and I will certainly get January 10, 2023 Being part of a group helps you change [!quote] The evidence is clear: If you want to change a habit, you must find an alternative routine, and your odds of success go up dramatically December 28, 2022 Single source of truth [!tldr] What is a single source of truth? A practice A single source of truth (SSOT) is the practice of aggregating the data from many systems December 28, 2022 Dopamine is about expecting to feel good, not actually feeling good I like to feel good. You like to feel good. Some things that seem to make us feel good don’t. Not really. Some things give us a gratification hit, a December 27, 2022 Dopamine isn't that great [[../_attachments/Dopamine isn’t that great/2025-07-02-1707-img-Dopamine isn’t that great.png]] Dopamine is very complex and has a lot of jobs in December 27, 2022 Eudaimonia [!tldr] eudaimonia (noun) Greek (from as eudemon from as _eu_good + daimōn genius). Happiness or well-being consisting in the full realization of December 26, 2022 Stephen Wolfram talking about stuff I don't understand Source: The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Stephen Wolfram the ruliad They’re all derivable ultimately from this strange thing we call the ruliad, December 17, 2022 Rulial space [!QUOTE] One of the things one starts talking about is this notion of what we call rulial space, which is the space of kind of possible different December 17, 2022 Women are doing too many non-promotable tasks A low-promotability task is one that benefits the organization but is given relatively little weight in performance evaluations and promotion December 13, 2022 Safety is about feeling safe and being safe Life is unpredictable (or is it?) and mostly out of our control. Things will happen to us. People will make choices we don’t like. Random December 6, 2022 Notes are for better thinking Andy Matuschak talks about taking notes that aren’t just for the purpose of accumulating a big library of notes but for actually thinking, December 4, 2022 A MOC is a map of content, an index, a list The MOC is an index, a list. A meta note that lists all related notes on a specific topic or area; essentially a linked TOC for a particular topic. December 3, 2022 Equilibrium means finding the few essentials within the infinite possibilities There are too many options. I know that already. The most difficult discipline for me is to ignore the options, to tune out all the things that November 29, 2022 Hannah Wilke Habits keep me grounded Habits make life easier. They keep me grounded. They reduce the decision-making load. The right habits ensure certain things that need to be done November 26, 2022 Chasing social media popularity is like eating a stale donut I don’t want social media popularity. I don’t want to build a following, like a cult leader. I don’t want to keep up with social media trends. I November 26, 2022 On making things easier Find out the underlying issue: What’s the reason it’s difficult? What’s the issue: difficult, scary, money required, time required, do not November 26, 2022 Beware a misplaced loyalty to tools I’ve noticed this about myself before, multiple times: I tend to be loyal to the apps, software, tools I use whether or not those things are November 22, 2022 Who is the central figure of my own life? All too often, it’s someone else. I let it be someone else. I might even make it about someone else. How many times have I hesitated to do something November 22, 2022 How to listen to podcasts if you hate podcasts I don’t really hate podcasts but I don’t really like them at all either. I always have captions on shows/movies because I can’t ‘hear’ the dialogue October 25, 2022 Talking about your specific interests helps people find you The Internet is a crowded place. The problem is not finding people, it’s finding the right people. The generalist will get lost in the crowd. You August 30, 2022 It's okay to start in the middle In life, as in writing: When I don’t know where to start, which is always, I can start in the middle. I feel like I need to start in an organized June 20, 2022 Don't confuse busy for productive Lots of things make you feel busy but leave you with nothing actually done. Just because you can have 20 tabs open in your browser and incessantly April 30, 2022 Choose the (social media) tool that helps you set the right pace There are too many times I choose to meander pointlessly through social media. I’m offering no real value and experiencing no real gain. I’m just October 6, 2015