A half-way, mumbled, uncertain No can be as harmful as a promiscuous Yes. When you know that the right answer for you to give is No, be better to yourself and to everyone else involved.

Be definite.

Make it clear that you mean No. Don’t say Maybe if you mean No. Don’t say I’ll consider it if you mean No. Don’t say Okay and then try to weasel out of it. Just say No.

Saying No might seem like inviting conflict. It often seems like inviting resentment or causing disappointment. People don’t generally like hearing your No, or accepting it. Sometimes they’ll try to talk you out of it.

Be kind, so very very kind, so sweetly and gently and unmistakably kind.

Let your tone of voice be gentle and mild like a lamb (if any of you are familiar with how mild a lamb’s voice is that suggestion might be helpful. I’ve not spent a lot of time around lambs).

Use words and phrases like “I’m sorry but…” and “I know you’ll understand…” and “You’ve been so kind that I hate to say No, but I must…” and “I appreciate this offer so much…”.

Use those sweet, kind words, and follow them with your clear, firm No. Then, if necessary, excuse yourself and walk away. Because I don’t know about you, but I can only maintain that lamblike tone of voice for so long.