I can jump into the deep end on optimizing things like tools and workflow and routines and so on. It’s fun and I can get lost in there. I used to think I really enjoyed it but I’ve realized more and more that it falls into a category that isn’t joy as much as relief.
The details and optimizing are a distraction from big problems or scary things I maybe don’t want to tackle. So diving into that type of stuff feels good, even enjoyable. But it’s a certain flavor of enjoyment that, for me, isn’t about chasing delight as much as it is escaping stress. It’s relief I feel, and when I’m under a lot of stress or dealing with a particularly knotty problem or avoiding emotions that overwhelm, the relief feels a lot like joy.
But there’s a difference between relief and joy.
Efficiency is helpful, and often invokes relief, but it’s not really inducing joy. Efficiency is not about delight, it’s about usefulness.
What I know about myself is that I can be really adaptable, and I’m not great at identifying how much of a toll (emotionally, mentally, physically, or otherwise) something takes on me as it’s happening. This means I’m pretty damn good in a crisis. I can stay calm, compartmentalize, come up with options, take action, make decisions, be reasonable and effective. I can even take charge if needed. And that’s great. I like that about myself.
The flipside of this ability is that I can be pretty callous to my own internal state. I slip easily into “handle the crisis” mode, which is helpful in the case of an actual crisis. It’s not helpful when I treat everything like a crisis and separate myself from my own emotions, needs, desires, and experience. Because it will always come back, at some point. You can only compress for so long before something explodes, or implodes.
Optimizing for efficiency feels like a kind of ‘the end justifies the means’ approach to life. Don’t get me wrong, I still like being efficient. But I don’t want to spend more than a few minutes a day on figuring out how to be more efficient. I’d rather optimize for something more valuable, that’s not about getting through things or making the best of things or adapting to things but is about bringing in more delight every day, in everything I am doing.
Less escaping, more transforming.
When I optimize for efficiency, here’s what it’s about:
- spending less time on the things I have to do so I can spend more time on the things I want to do.
- getting myself through things that are demanding or mundane.
- not being wasteful.
Sometimes it’s also about giving myself a tiny little problem to solve, a way to have a small win and feel a bit more in control. And it also works well to distract me from the bigger problems and the things that are out of my control.
It can be helpful.
But how much time do I want to put into it?
What would happen if instead of optimizing for efficiency, I optimized for delight?
