Another entry in the post-divorce reading lineup of trying to figure out how to detach and heal and make some sense of things.

Narcissism is used too much, imo — an easy term to throw around, and it does help to have a label to put on things. For me, it’s important to make a distinction between narcissism as a spectrum of behavioral choices and narcissism as a diagnosable personality disorder. This book is about the former but thinks it is about the latter. Despite this, I found it helpful. I needed to name things that I’d experienced, to figure out why and how things had gotten so twisty and complicated and unsolvable in my marriage, to see that a lot of what I was trying to deal with, to fix, to compensate for, to blame myself for, was beyond my ability and out of my control.

I find many of the descriptions too extreme, not recognizing the spectrum of intensity that can exist. And I think it’s also missing a lot of nuance and understanding that most people who engage in these behaviors are not diagnosed narcissists or even complete assholes — but they’re also behaving in ways, often habitually, that have no place in a healthy relationship.

A successful attempt at gaslighting ends with one person telling the other what’s real, what their opinion should be, and what they remember. … Over time, constant gaslighting creates codependency.

When others see that you put yourself last, they’ll follow your example.

He could have all the feelings, no one else.

Walking away from anyone who adds stress to our lives gives us a new perception of them and ourselves. When we’re physically close to someone we love but who hurts us regularly, it can be hard to remember why we got so upset. Attraction can alter our logic.

Highlights: 📖 Barlow - Gaslighting & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery