There are too many times I choose to meander pointlessly through social media. I’m offering no real value and experiencing no real gain. I’m just losing time.

I’m not sure what I think social media will give me. There is an easy sense of connection or interaction, but it’s not the same as actual connection. At least, the browsing, scrolling, tapping is not the same as connection. It’s not a conversation, or a meaningful interaction.

I wonder what beast I’m trying to feed with that activity. Is it distraction? An interpersonal need? If so, what I want isn’t there, not really. I need to trade out the social scrolling for something different. I want to develop real, deeper connections. Through online means is fine. The method isn’t the problem; it’s the quality of the interaction I want to change. A real (digital) conversation with someone (or a phone call or a text conversation with one or two people) is better than multiple likes or meaningless digital nods to a whole lot of people.

No matter how many people there are in the world, we can only pay attention to one at a time. More is not more. We can only see one, hear one, interact with one at a time. Even in a group, we’re shifting attention from one person to another and back again.

The nature of my mind, my attention, how I function as a human necessarily limits the ways I can connect with others. It’s got to be one-on-one to be real, even in the land of ever-expanding digital possible connections. So I have to remind myself of this: just as with doors, or options, or roads to travel, I can only choose one, any given one, at any given time.

I can choose multiple shallow interactions, one after another. Or I can choose deeper, more meaningful conversations which take more of my attention and time. They require a slower pace. And I like that.

The method, the format or the tool, doesn’t matter: real life, phone, text, social, online. It’s the purpose, the intent, the focus, the content, and the depth which determines the usefulness or value of any interaction. (Of course, some tools encourage certain types of interactions over others.) I can certainly have shallow interactions in the real world just as easily online. Sometimes that’s appropriate.

The idea is making a choice. Conscious choices. What do I want? What am I seeking? What am I after? And which tools help me move in that direction?